untitled
by flatnoodle
Summary: Naruto-kun should not be surprised Uchiha-san is a bigot. He is a scion of a very traditional family," said Sai eying Sasuke passively, "I read about them." In which Sasuke fails at regular human communication and is punished. Warnings: slash, het,curses!


Disclaimer: Do not own Naruto. If I did I would be filthy rich and off traveling.

Sasuke Uchicha...Best Friend Extraordinaire?

It wasn't that he was adverse to that sort of thing. He was just surprised and may have reacted in a way that seemed to claim otherwise. He'd never been one for tact. Something he would have been schooled properly in had his parents lived. Had his genetics not been doomed from the start. Uchihas were either overwhelmingly formal or homicidal. And despite the appalling evidence that said otherwise, Itachi had been the mild mannered, polite one.

Sasuke didn't care much for other people's feelings. Good looks and innate athletic abilities had saved him from having to deal with the social niceties regular people had to deal with. He could say and do whatever he wanted and the boys and girls alike would swoon.

But now he'd done himself over by hurting Naruto's feelings. For real. Note hurting his _feelings._Not a fist through the chest physical pain or deluded notions of brotherly bonds that were eventually repaired once everyone realized what a real and true genius Sasuke was for being the ultimate double agent...but honest to goodness feelings.

---

He had just finished another oh-so-exciting mission protecting a ninny boy prince from his scheming relatives to Water country and was on his way home for a nice long bath and scones when Naruto had appeared out of nowhere and insisted on having ramen together.

He said no and proceeded his way back home ignoring the cry of outrage.

Unfortunately two seconds later, he was tackled and had his face shoved into questionable murky brown muck that Sasuke sincerely hoped was just dirt and water.

Twenty minutes later Sasuke and his newly acquired black eye and a split lipped Naruto were sitting down for their first round of ramen and sake. Sai, Sakura, and that guy um...Yamazaki were there too and things went as they normally did. Naruto was too loud. Sai was lewd. Sakura was making good headway toward premature cardiac arrest. Yamazaki was silent and weird with his never blinking eyes and Sasuke was smart.

Things were going well and Sasuke was thinking that he could probably get away now that Naruto was tomato red and pulsating. Sai had said something about penises which were nothing new. Although Sasuke thought Naruto should be used to Sai's vulgar tripe by now. He couldn't see why Naruto was so easily affected. Nothing mannerless Sai said could possibly compare to the X-rated teachings of the Great toady pervert and their esteemed sensei.

As he got up to leave, he looked up and saw that Sai was also unlearned in the concept of personal space as he was leaning closely toward Naruto, lightly fingering his split lip. Naruto became even redder and Sai smirked and looked up to catch Sasuke's eye. For some reason, the bastard's smirk grew even wider when he nudged Naruto and nodded towards Sasuke. Naruto jumped, looked up at Sasuke, cleared his throat, and very eloquently said, "Hey bastard, I um, I got something to tell you."

Sasuke gave him a look and turned to leave when something caught his sleeve. He turned to see Sakura's slightly nervous but somewhat determined face, "You should listen to him Sasuke-kun. It's important."

Sasuke inwardly sighed, sat back down, and started shuffling through his pockets for the pack of novelty cigarettes he purchased in Water Country. Naruto started talking and talking and Sasuke was only half listening to something about precious people, brotherly bonds, and epiphany inducing missions. When the idiot finally stopped talking to take a breath, he figured Naruto could really use a ciggy too and since Sasuke was a good friend when he felt like it he looked up at Naruto's oddly earnest looking face and said, "Fag?"

He was a little surprised to see Naruto's face suddenly crumple like a paper bag and the ensuing silence that followed. He didn't know what to make of it and turned to Sakura for help. But she too was acting out of sorts. Her face was peaky, tight lipped, and her usually warm green eyes were staring daggers at him.

"Naruto-kun should not be surprised Uchiha-san is a bigot. He is a scion of a very traditional family," said Sai eying Sasuke passively, "I read about them."

"What are you talking about you rambling frea-"

And quite suddenly Sasuke was on his back clutching his left cheek in pain. He growled furiously and looked up, mildly surprised to see Naruto's blue eyes staring coldly down at him.

"Bastard, you can insult me all you want but you do _not_ insult my boyfriend," said Naruto.

Sasuke curled his lip and was just about to give the crazy idiot a scathing retort when his brain registered what Naruto said.

"Boyfriend? What the fuc-"

Another fist came flying in his direction and before he could step aside to avoid what looked to be a lethal punch from Sakura, Naruto stopped her shaking his head and looking uncharacteristically grim, "He's not worth it."

Not worth it? Since when was he not worth it? Sasuke was certainly not the one who had gone mad tearing apart the countryside looking for someone who was not worth it. Especially when that someone had an important task to accomplish and could not afford to waste his time frolicking around with his teammates...even though there were times he remembered sweating profusely under the relentlessly scorching sun, looking around at dilapidated ruins somewhere in the Congo, listening to Kabuto's sickeningly sweet voice murmur things to Orochimaru, and suddenly feeling very hollow.

"I'm sorry you feel that way about us," said Naruto tersely.

Sasuke's head snapped up at the sound of Naruto's voice and was inwardly taken back when he noticed that Naruto was shaking and looking pointedly away from him.

"I just thought-," said Naruto, voice wobbling almost uncontrollably.

He took in a deep breath, sighed, and looked at Sasuke directly.

"I just thought we were good enough friends that you would understand and accept me no matter what," he stopped again, looked away and gave a sharp bark of laugher, "Clearly I was mistaken."

"Moron, what the fuck-"

"Don't call me that and shut up," said Naruto fiercely.

"I thought that with our history and everything that's happened to us that _this_ was probably nothing. I thought this and yet I held off telling you. Sakura, Kakashi, and even Iruka said you'd probably understand and that I was underestimating how much you valued our friendship. I mean you didn't think twice about me being a demon host..."

Fragments of their erstwhile conversation were frantically swirling through Sasuke's head while Naruto continued what seemed to be a long, winding monologue on friendship and bonds.

_"I almost died and then he came..._

_Sai sitting too closely to Naruto and touching his lip. _

_Naruto turning red, blushing._

_...don't insult my boyfriend." _

_Boyfriend?_

Oh god.

Genius though he might be in the art of kicking arse and looking good while doing so. Genius he was so not in the barest means of human relations. Naruto should know better than to jump to the conclusion that Sasuke was some prejudiced bigot of same-sex relations after what was obviously tactless bemusement on his part. They were not best friends because they could they talk and joke endlessly like Kiba and Naruto were, they were best friends because they understood each like true Spartans. Like real men who communicated best physically.

Although how Naruto could possibly confess his sexuality by their usual means was something Sasuke would rather not think about it.

God Naruto was such an idiot and Sasuke needed to rectify the situation fast or else-

"Oh my god you're not even listening to me are you? You've made up your mind then." said Naruto shaking his head, white and unhappy.

Sasuke sneered, ready to tell Naruto off-

"_Fine. _Just fine," Naruto spat, "If this is how you're going to be then...then we're through."

He turned around and stomped off. Sai was quick to join him but not before casting Sasuke a reproving look.

Sasuke bristled. Just who did that scantily clad sorry excuse for a man think he was-

And then Sasuke was again in an enormous amount of pain clutching his right cheek bone or quite possibly _bones_ and turned to see an angry, disappointed Sakura shaking her head furiously at him, "I can't believe you Sasuke-kun,"

She too, turned and left.

Leaving Sasuke with the eerily quiet and unblinking Yamazaki who was suddenly, disturbingly standing less than a foot away from him.

Sasuke jumped back- no took a few, quick and wary steps back away from the potential enemy and snapped out, "What now?"

Yamazaki continued too look at him with those unnatural, soulless, unblinking eyes and then said, "Those books helped Sai out a lot. I think you should take a look at them too."

Sasuke gaped at him, utterly baffled, "What are you on about-"

"Would like to stay and chat to you some more Uchiha but I've got to finish a report for the Hokage," interrupted Yamazaki and then he was gone in a crack and swirly smoke.

AN: Reviews? Please do! Tell me what you think. I probably need a beta but since I have no actual friends in fandom, the best I can hope for is a generous volunteer. Flames are unnecessary but constructive criticism would benefit me immensely.


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